Shift From Pain To Healing By Changing One Thing

We all have had situations in our lives that have been difficult or painful. We have stories about them. When we go through those things, we tend to want some validation of our feelings. We may reach out to a friend or we may reach out out through social media to get someone to see us in our suffering. We tell the story.

However, when we focus on the story of what happened, we are still focusing on the thing that is painful to us. It keeps the energy of the story alive and well and the pain will only continue. The transformative author, Byron Katie often asks, “Who would you be without your story?”

So, what would it be for you if you didn’t focus so much on the story and instead focused on your healing? We may need to process what happened with a story, but holding on to that story after the processing only makes it linger. When we go through things, and we find ourselves reaching out for validation of our pain, we can instead shift our focus on healing from what just happened. We can ask for support in our healing rather than validation of our pain.

Research in Pedagogy will tell you that we go into story with our traumas, the outcome of the story is what we focus on. So, when we focus on the difficult experience, or if we focus on the traumatic event, we tend to stay hurt. If we focus on the healing, we tend to gravitate toward our healing.

Tip: Notice the impulse you have to share a story of something you went through. Process what you need to process and then notice that you maybe seeking validation from outside sources when you already feel validated within yourself. Notice how focusing on the story makes you feel like a victim of circumstance. Then shift. Focus your attention from thoughts about the story to healing from the story. When thoughts of the story return (and they will), refocus your attention on healing. Remember, you are your own healer.

Hope this is helpful! Want more? We provide mental health workshops for your group or department. Contact us to schedule!